Monday, August 19, 2013

The Conservative's Guide to the Galaxy

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Elvis Fan Gets A Voicemail
Message From "THE KING"

An avid fan of Elvis Presley, who has chosen not to be currently identified, received a bizarre voicemail message on Saturday night from an anonymous caller who, the fan claims, is the real Elvis, still alive & well.

After many years of research to uncover the truth about the alleged death of Elvis Presley & the mysterious circumstances surrounding his many live sightings after the fact, this fan was ready to accept defeat... Until this fantastic new piece of evidence.

The unidentified Elvis lover stated,
"I was caught in a trap, crying all the time because I just couldn't solve this puzzle about my teddy bear, but after this call, I'm all shook up!"
More interestingly, this UFO(Unidentified Fanmail Oration) consisted of no spoken words, but only singing.

A clip of this mysterious message will be available soon for your examination, while this investigation is ongoing, with more information to be released as the story unfolds...

STAY TUNED!

UPDATE:

I have obtained the audio footage of this message & posted it here for you to analyze.

Do you believe this is the voice of Elvis Presley?


Friday, April 12, 2013

DHMO: The Invisible Killer

Dihydrogen monoxide is a colorless, odorless, and tasteless substance, and it kills uncounted thousands of people every year.  Most of these deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of DHMO, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes severe tissue damage.  Symptoms of DHMO ingestion can include excessive sweating and urination, and possibly a bloated feeling, nausea, vomiting and body electrolyte imbalance.  For those who have become dependent, DHMO withdrawal means certain death.

  Dihydrogen monoxide:
  • is also known as hydroxyl acid, and is the major component of acid rain.
  • is found in high concentrations in beer.
  • contributes to the "greenhouse effect."
  • may cause severe burns.
  • contributes to the erosion of our natural landscape.
  • accelerates corrosion and rusting of many metals.
  • may cause electrical failures and decreased effectiveness of automobile brakes.
  • has been found in excised tumors of terminal cancer patients.

Contamination Is Reaching Epidemic Proportions!  Quantities of dihydrogen monoxide have been found in almost every stream, lake, and reservoir in America today.  But the pollution is global, and the contaminant has even been found in Antarctic ice.  DHMO has caused millions of dollars of property damage in the midwest, and recently California.

   Despite the danger, dihydrogen monoxide is often used:
  • as an industrial solvent and coolant.
  • in nuclear power plants.
  • in the production of styrofoam.
  • as a fire retardant.
  • in many forms of cruel animal research.
  • in the distribution of pesticides.  Even after washing, produce remains contaminated by this chemical.
  • as an additive in certain "junk-foods" and other food products.

Companies dump waste DHMO into rivers and the ocean, and nothing can be done to stop them because this practice is still legal.  The impact on wildlife is extreme, and we cannot afford to ignore it any longer!

The Horror Must Be Stopped!  The American government has refused to ban the production, distribution, or use of this damaging chemical due to its “importance to the economic health of this nation.”  In fact, the navy and other military organizations are conducting experiments with DHMO, and designing multi-billion dollar devices to control and utilize it during warfare situations.  Hundreds of military research facilities receive tons of it through a highly sophisticated underground distribution network.  Many store large quantities for later use.

It's Not Too Late!  Act NOW to prevent further contamination. Find out more about this dangerous chemical.  What you don't know can hurt you and others throughout the world. Send email to no_dhmo@circus.com, or write: Coalition to Ban DHMO, 211 Pearl St., Santa Cruz CA, 95060.

Moral:  Think critically.  DHMO is plain ol’ WATER.